The word self-care gets thrown around a lot, almost like a millennial catchphrase, but what does it really mean? More importantly, what does self-care look like in practice?
Is self-care:
A day at the spa
A hot cup of coffee (with or without jazz music in the background)
A movie marathon
A meditation retreat
Long leisurely walks
All of the above
None of the above…
…some of the above?
Self-care is more than Pinterest-worthy pictures and inspirational quotes, though they make us warm and fuzzy inside and there’s value in that as well.
Self-care is a way of life, an ongoing thing. It’s not something you do once a week, or one hour each week. Caring for yourself needs to be incorporated into your lifestyle. And while this care can come in many forms, it should fundamentally nourish you, take you from strength to strength, and improve your sense of well-being.
Self-care is a way of life, an ongoing thing. It’s not something you do once a week, or one hour each week. Caring for yourself needs to be incorporated into your lifestyle.
If your self-care routine is not doing this, you need to re-evaluate it. And if you don’t HAVE a self-care routine, you need to establish it pronto.
Let’s demystify self-care a bit to help you out. How to care for the self differs from person to person, but a general outline follows.
Get in tune with what you REALLY feel (and want)
This is the first step – everything flows from here. So be very honest with yourself here.
If you don’t know what you really want how will you achieve it? If you don’t know how you’re feeling about something, how will you fix it? The decisions you take in life should come from a place of clarity and calm. But if you have neither, what is going to be driving those decisions?
Take care of the mind first, and everything else will fall into place.
Tools that help you get in tune with yourself:
- Meditation (or a hobby that takes you to a meditative state)
- Journalling
- Making vision boards (what’s better than trying to create the best and the grandest vision for our life? Takes you right to the heart of the matter.)
- Free time where you can let your mind wander or just be (because that’s how ideas pop up, epiphanies happen, and insights occur.)
Do what you KNOW needs to be done
Just how you fulfill your professional and family-related commitments, you also fulfill those you make to yourself – and not settle for excuses.
This means you may have to override your feelings every now and then. But in order to do so, you need to first know which feelings to override and which to pay immediate attention to.
When you know you have to wake up early in the morning to get half an hour of meditation done but when the time comes you just don’t FEEL like it, that’s the feeling to ignore.
When you know you have to exercise to lose extra fat but you just don’t FEEL like it, that’s again a feeling to override.
But if you feel overwhelmed, out of sorts, exhausted, or emotionally depleted, those feelings need to be addressed immediately. Self-care means you know what to pay attention to, and that requires you to be in tune with yourself (see the above point again). It’s a beautiful cycle that takes you from strength to strength, though it may take time and effort to establish at first.
Create structures/routines that help you stay well
Once you are past the clutter, you have a decent idea of what you want, and therefore what you need to do to get there. So start creating a routine that optimizes your time and other resources.
For example, if you know that you need to go for a walk every single day, find time to do so. Prioritize physical movement over pointless WhatsApp conversations or idling through the news. (Put timers on apps, it really helps!) Maybe you don’t have a block of an hour free for this purpose, but you may have 15 minutes here or 10 minutes there, and you can put on your sneakers and grab that exercise whenever these little stretches of time arrive.
Maybe you have trouble sleeping. Set up a playlist of music that de-stresses and aids sleep. Put on fairy lights and burn frankincense essential oil, too, if it helps.
If you have trouble making healthy eating choices, plan ahead. Have several options ready for different meals of the day and stock up the pantry accordingly.
One has to get creative with solutions for life’s problems and challenges.
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Eat healthy food, consume empowering content
Be mindful of the food you put into your body, because that is what will ultimately build your health. Similarly, be mindful of the content you consume as it can be very influential. The time you spend consuming content should be rewarding and intentional.
All of these together can enrich your life or impoverish it, leaving you feeling like you don’t have the time to actually take care of yourself. Well, you always do, just be mindful of the choices you make. Time and energy are both finite resources. And we need to use them wisely.
Give yourself what you need at any given time
If you are feeling overwhelmed, give yourself the break you need to recover from it. If you need to cry, give yourself the permission to let it all out. If you want to not do anything in the evening and just “Netflix and chill”, let that happen, too (once in a while). If you need a hug from your partner, tell them you do.
Ask for help as you cannot do everything alone
So I want to take the day off. But I’m a full-time mom who also works from home so I don’t have any days off. But I can ask for help.
As mothers we really need the support of our partners, parents, or friends, as the case maybe. A woman cannot do it all alone, not without compromising on her mental health. Raising children is not a solo job. It is the job of both the partners. If there’s no partner, then request the person you’re closest to to help you out – especially when you feel the need for some time off to focus on yourself.
Don’t feel guilty asking for help either. You’re not selfish for doing so, and you’re certainly not any less of a mother for doing so. We all need to look after each other. This, however, does mean that we should nurture relationships with our near ones – it’s good for you, it’s good for them, and it’s also good for the children.
Make time for joy
Our jobs take up the majority of our waking time but they may not satisfy us on any level. That is a sad reality of living in the kind of capitalist system that we do. We, therefore, need to find joy outside of it.
Because find joy we must. The mind, the body, and the spirit — all three need to be looked after in order to gain a sense of wellbeing in life. What bring us joy enriches our spirit and improves our health, and that has a direct being on our satisfaction with life.
To sum up
Whatever you need in order to function well fully is what your self-care routine should comprise. This changes dramatically from person to person, and also from day to day for the same person. But you do what needs to be done and you do it with regard and compassion for yourself.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is to not let emotions and/or temporary setbacks rule my life. Even when I may not feel like it, I know I have to continue with the routine that I have created for myself – for my own good.
How do you take care of yourself? Please share your thoughts below or connect with me on Instagram to discuss the topic.
