I’m going to be 39 soon!
That’s another decade gone. Time really does go by very fast. And even faster later on. I’m big on resolutions, and with my birthday coming up in less than a month, this is a good time to draw up a list of some brand new birthday resolutions.
In terms of personal growth and spiritual evolution, this year has been good for me. I know it sounds almost insensitive to say that considering so many people have fallen ill and lost their lives and livelihoods to the pandemic that began in January and is still raging on today.
But it’s in times such as these that one is forced to question one’s assumptions about life, to cultivate fortitude, and learn to live life not entirely at the mercy of circumstances. I believe growth is the purpose of life. And growth is often messy. It may not feel good. It certainly doesn’t happen in expected ways.
Growth is the purpose of life, and growth is often messy.
The key, perhaps, is to learn to be OK with the messiness and the erratic, almost inscrutable, nature of growth. This realisation is the origin of true peace of mind. And that is what I crave more and more as I grow older. Contentment lies in appreciation of life (as it comes), in gratitude for what you have, and in the routines and structures you create to keep you healthy and sound. It’s the little unglamorous things, done repeatedly over a span of time, that lead to a happy, healthy, and maybe even a glamorous life (if you so wish for it to be).
So here are some of my birthday resolutions. If you’re struggling with what to change over the course of the next year or the next few months – whether it’s your birthday or not, these might give you an idea or two.
In no particular order, here goes.
Be radical in the acceptance of life
Whether it’s your past, your present, or the future – accept everything about all of it. Every little hurt, every trauma, every episode that makes you cringe – accept it all. Open the Pandora’s box and let it all come out. Acceptance is the first step towards healing, and possibly changing things.
I believe in karma and destiny. I believe eventually things work out as per some sort of a plan. We are born with certain blueprints and things play out accordingly. We mature when we mature and some of us take a more turbulent road to maturity than others. We marry when we marry. We have children when we have them. We die when we have to die.
That’s my belief system. You’d have to find your belief system or create one because you are going to need it in order to get through life.
I don’t think we have much control over the great big events of life, but I do believe that by being OK with everything – every prospect, every possibility, every fear – we drastically improve our chances of living a better life IN THE NOW. By a “better” life I mean a life that is not wrecked with fear, anxiety, resentment, regret, or indecisiveness. In the meantime, as the battles rage internally, the clock keeps ticking away.
Radical acceptance puts an end to the crazy narratives swirling around in your head. That frees you up mentally to focus on important things. You don’t waste the present worrying about the future, only to end up with a string of years that look and feel alike and then wonder where your life went.
Cultivate a deep appreciation for life
This follows from the above. There’s no appreciation of life if there’s no acceptance of it. Learn to appreciate life in all its bloody glory. Appreciate yourself, your struggles, your dreams, and your achievements, no matter how big or small. Appreciate the people in your life. Appreciate the curveballs life has thrown you – that’s how you grew. You’ll grow to appreciate life as you learn to accept it in all its complexities and seeming inequities.
Let go of your need to control
AKA Be totally fine with uncertainty
This has got to be the number one lesson I took from this pandemic. Even before the world entered the shutdown mode, my life had been marked with a higher-than-usual degree of uncertainty. Due to circumstances beyond control, I have been living away from my husband ever since I gave birth to our first child. My boy is growing up without a father.
Because I didn’t know where we would eventually end up living, I didn’t buy as many things for myself and my son worrying I may have to leave it all behind. I lived a little bit less, because I was waiting for something to happen. And now my boy’s going to be two and I still don’t know when I’ll be joining my husband (due to pandemic-related restrictions), who is in another country.
But on the flip side I got to live with my parents for an extended time. I got pampered and cherished. I received great support raising my child. And my parents have had a super-great time raising their grandchild, too. I’m now convinced that worry is a massive waste of time. It has no bearing on the outcome, and it completely robs you of the ability to see the beauty in the present moment in the present circumstances.
Let go of feeling entitled
Life does not owe you anything. Nobody does. You are not entitled to success, nor to any special treatment. Things happen when they have to happen, if they have to happen, and at their own pace. Accept that and stop throwing tantrums when things don’t go your way. Everybody has their own struggles. Be empathetic, and if not that, at least don’t create a fuss that something didn’t go your way.
And as stated previously, be OK with success, be OK with failure, be OK with every outcome.
Create healthy habits and structures that support you
Your body is going to be with your forever and so is your mind. It’s paramount that you prioritize physical and mental care. But this can’t be done in a haphazard manner. So create routines and structures suited to your unique (and changing) needs so that you feel cared for and supported. Cultivate a support system if you need to. Read more about how to care for yourself here.
Be very honest with yourself
This takes guts. Maybe you’re ready for this level of honesty, maybe you’re not. Don’t do things to impress anybody. Dare to be original. Even if it means admitting that your ambition isn’t your own. That you really don’t want to be on Instagram. That you find the life of an influencer fake. Say it out loud. You’re no lesser or greater of a person for admitting the truth to yourself. But it’s in this act of admission that you will find the means for real freedom and peace of mind. It takes time, however, to get to this point. So be patient with yourself as you find out what you really want or do not want.
Bingewatching is OK, but only once in a while
Because you are literally killing time – even if you feel greatly inspired. Consume less, create more.
Cultivate a daily spiritual practice
I’m someone who keeps forgetting myself. So a daily centering practice in the AM works magically for me. A visualization technique in the night calms down my worry-driven mind and helps me feel safe and secure, which I deeply need in order to operate normally. Find what works for you to create such a practice, and follow it religiously. The biggest advantage of this is not just that you feel better, but that your mind gradually becomes your ally instead of remaining a foe.
Prioritize spending time with loved ones
I can’t emphasize this enough. The loved ones are a gift from god. Make time for each and every person on this list. Be fully present and patient when you are with them.
Be a better person
A better daughter, a better sister, a better wife, a better mother, a better friend – in short, a better person. To me being a better person means to fulfill all my responsibilities happily and conscientiously. To let go of pettiness, bitterness, and any feelings that may be keeping my vibe down. To be humble and grateful. To seek joy and to spread it.
What are some resolutions that you have made recently? Do any on this list resonate with you? Comment below or connect with me on Instagram to share your thoughts.
Peace, love, and happy happy vibes.
