We learn the most from challenging times, and this past year has been challenging for all of us on an unprecedented scale. While I hope 2021 does a better, more benign following act to 2020, I’m not really holding my breath to find out if it does.
So what did we learn from our collective misery? I, for one, was forced to adapt to changing circumstances more than I would like. I had to change my entire outlook on life just to keep going (and not break down repeatedly). In the end, I think I did ok. Though only time will unravel the long-term effects of that very strange year.
For now, these are, in no particular order, my biggest lessons from 2020.
1. Health truly is wealth
Seeing that we are still in the middle of a pandemic in which millions have lost their lives, many more their loved ones, and a big number suffered through the illness, health has assumed a critical importance in my life.
It is not just something to be paid attention to when I fall ill or when I have a few kilos to lose – it has come to the forefront. I still get very lazy but I’m aware of the choices I’m making on a daily basis that are either improving or further ruining my health.
2. Be grateful you are alive
That you made it through 2020 or have the leisure time today to read this article talking about how a complete stranger made sense of the madness of the last year, proves you have a lot to be grateful for. If you are alive, have a roof over your head, have at least a few people who love you – you are one lucky person.
3. Nurture relationships; we need each other
People are important (and not to be treated in an expedient manner). Relationships are good for the health and the soul. Take time out to check up on close friends, cherish your parents, love your children even more. Be nice. Everybody has had a tough year.
4. Beware of the ‘fake’ stuff
Whether it’s fake friendships, fake social media, fake ambitions – I feel that much lighter and that much more at peace for having turned my back on anything that did not truly resonate with me.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the who-is-doing-what or I’m-not-happy-with-where-I-am-in-my-life modes that we lose sight of what we genuinely crave. It’s not the shiny things (except once in a while), but those that fulfil the soul’s yearning. Everything else is a distraction.
5. Meditation is very important (to find out what you really want)
I’ve had a lot of time to meditate this year (when I’m not able to sleep in the night, I usually meditate for a few minutes – that’s all I can manage). It has really calmed me down, after causing a few breakdowns. Dare I say, I’m in a good place right now. And focused on creating a life that is in alignment with my deepest values. In particular, two books that I’m currently reading have helped me in this. They are How to Meditate – A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind and The Places that Scare You – A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times, both by American Tibetan Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön. I might review them later. If there is just one thing you take away from this post, let it be this – meditate more often!
6. Living with intention leads to better outcomes
Aimlessness is not cute anymore. Lazying around doesn’t do much for me (perhaps I’ve indulged in too much of it). After you know what would truly make you happy, it’s important to put that into action. Start each day with a plan, or at least a general idea about how you want to spend it. This is the best way to being productive that I know.
7. Don’t be too reactive; life’s not fair to anybody
Better still, get rid of unhelpful notions such as ‘fairness’ or ‘deservedness’. Just do your thing, because you want to do it. Do it to the best of your ability.
The variables affecting all our lives are too many. 2020 made me feel very helpless initially due to my particular circumstances, until I grew tired of waiting and feeling frustrated in the process. I realized I was not living, only reacting. I decided to stop being at the mercy of what was happening out there and instead start focusing on my life as best as I could. And turns out, there was a lot I could do to make excellent use of the unexpected free time I got this past year. That is really the best one can do in any given circumstances.
8. Cut down on expectations
Oh, this is so tough! It’s almost like giving up sugar!
How does one even operate without expectations? Everything that we do, from morning to evening, is in expectation of something. We just don’t know how to live any other way, do we?
But 2020 taught me that there is something to be said about simply putting one foot in front of the other and keeping at it. In other words, treating each day as a self-sufficient reservoir.
The beauty of this is one wakes up to the tremendous potential that each day holds. A day, in and by itself, is a fresh start. You know this already, but when one puts their expectations aside and instead focuses on making the most of the now, it’s amazing how far a day can stretch out. I was pleasantly surprised at how much a day could accomplish when I put my energies to good use.
9. When you have time, use it wisely
Never complain of boredom. It implies you have more time than you know what to do with. You have any idea how ‘spoiled’ that sounds?
A bad use of time would be to resist the present moment, to roil in anxiety, to marinate in regrets, to be non-creative, and to give in to boredom – all the while ruining your most precious asset, the here and the now, which is also the seed of a good life and everything that you desire.
Turn all focus towards making the most of what you do have. And on the topic, be extremely wary of apathy. Laziness will ruin more of your life than any pandemic ever will.
10. Curate a fine daily routine
Create a routine that sets you up for long-term success. You know it’s important to eat healthy, to work out in earnest, to finish that project – so what are you waiting for? We instinctively know what we ought to do. Whatever you have been procrastinating, if it’s important for your long-term physical, mental, or financial health, create a routine that prioritizes it.
11. Enjoy your daily routine
As important as it is to do the right thing, it’s important to enjoy most of it, too – your routine, after all, is your life. Enjoy writing that blog post, enjoy drinking that cup of tea, enjoy cooking your evening meal, enjoy the Netflix movie you have been wanting to watch – enjoy everything.
12. Cultivate a celebratory mindset
I celebrated each and every occasion in 2020. Every birthday, every anniversary, every festival – like it was normal times, but better. No effort or expense was spared in celebrations and the pandemic didn’t make a dent in my enthusiasm for any of it.
But I did wonder, why wait for an occasion to celebrate something. Celebration, I now understand, is a spirit, a state of mind. Bring it to everyday life. All days are equally precious. A celebratory spirit and a deep state of gratitude go hand in hand. When you pull yourself up into that state, you feel joyous for almost no reason, and I can’t imagine anything better than that.
13. It’s better not to romanticize life
I’m a sucker for romance, aka escapism. I have always romanticized something or the other about life and spent my days, energies, and limited financial resources in pursuit of ill-thought-of goals. As a result, there’s plenty I regret (though I try not to stay there).
There’s a fine line between romanticization and escapism, and it is usually crossed when there’s a poor understanding of reality. I’ve been learning to see and accept life the way it is – and not resort to putting on rose-tinted glasses to make any of it “feel good”. While I still have goals and visions about how I want my life to be in the next few years, I’ve also tempered my instinct to romanticize that. I know I might not be all that happy when I finally reach a particular stage or make a certain amount of money. It’s also a possibility that I might think my goals were misguided to begin with, as has happened in the past.
Life is hustle, hard work, prayer, and luck. This is the reality. We have to put in the work, all the while not being entitled to any of the fruits that it might produce (yes, this message from the Bhagvad Gita has become a guiding principle for me as I have found it to be repeatedly true in my experience).
I’ll keep saying this again and again, do your best and forget about the rest.
Which brings me neatly to my next point and perhaps the biggest takeaway from the past year.
14. Your reward is what you become, not what you acquire
I’m more convinced than ever that we are on this planet not to hoard things or engage in ego-flattering pursuits but to evolve as individuals as well as a species. Evolution is the natural endgame of life. Let’s move consciously towards a higher mindset so we are of better use to humanity.
Do things with all your passion. Try to be the best human you know. That is what inspires others and takes us forward as a collective. When you engage in the above, you become something else. You have to evolve to a higher stage in order to create magnificent work. And that is your reward, not the designer shoes that you get to buy once you have the money from the above work.
15. Learn to live with uncertainty
Life is inherently unpredictable, and there is no running away from that. Any “security” that exists, does so only in our minds.
“That nothing is static or fixed, that all is fleeting and impermanent, is the first mark of existence. It is the ordinary state of affairs. Everything is in process. Everything – every tree, every blade of grass, the animate and the inanimate – is always changing, moment to moment. We don’t have to be mystics or physicists to know this. Yet at the level of personal experience, we resist this basic fact. It means that life isn’t always going to go our way. It means there’s loss as well as gain. And we don’t like that.”
Pema Chödrön, The Places that Scare You – A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult times
The past year has been nothing if not uncertain. For me, however, it came on top of a long streak of debilitating uncertainty that had marked my preceding few years. And that just about did me in.
After repeated thwarting of my plans “to get on top of the situation,” as I put it to myself, I realized it would be better for my sanity to just let everything be. Plan away if it makes you feel good but also be okay when none of it turns out as expected. Life doesn’t owe us anything.
16. Do things that enrich your soul
It’s crucial for our well-being to engage in interests and activities that prove fulfilling (and this should also be pencilled into your daily routine. See point 10). You want to grow old a person who is “richer” in the true sense of the word, not someone who has merely had fun (as important as having fun is).
17. It’s up to ourselves to inspire us
The lockdowns have had the effect of making each and every day look alike. Between our living room, the kitchen, and the bedroom, the scenery never changes. It’s easy to fall into a depressing rut. But luckily for us, inspiration can be found online easily. We, however, have to make an effort to seek it and not Netflix away our free time. You’ll feel your day feels a lot different (and enriching) when you do find something that jumpstarts your creativity.
18. Self care is not optional
Mothers, pay particular attention. Don’t forget to look after yourself caught up in the daily grind. Don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t feel you don’t need it either. Don’t procrastinate it. Whatever self care looks like for you, carve out a helpful routine and make it a priority.
19. Work through your issues
For many the lockdown and forced isolation brought them face to face with their demons. Old hurts came up. Trauma resurfaced. When we couldn’t run away from reality or lose ourselves in distractions, we found out just how scared and clueless we really were.
That’s a good thing actually. Instead of being afraid of uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, we should welcome them and examine them – through loving kindness and guided meditation. This is a deep topic so I won’t go into detail, but I highly recommend you seek out a teacher or a therapist to wade through whatever came up for you in 2020. Don’t lose this opportunity to emerge stronger and with a clearer mind.
20. Be humble. You don’t know shit.
Let’s not even pretend we understand life. Or that we control it. Throughout the past year, experts have been proven wrong and governments have scrambled to control the situation. The virus has been blissfully immune to our efforts to contain it, much less eradicate it.
A virus brought us down to our knees and is holding us there, our tremendous technological prowess notwithstanding. If that doesn’t kick the hubris out of us, nothing will.
Going forward
I feel raw and vulnerable as I write this. A lot of issues came up for me in 2020 and I’m working through them. It’s slow going but I’m reasonably certain that I’m headed in the right direction. My biggest wish for me in this brand new year is that I do not forget the lessons 2020 taught me.
What did 2020 teach you? Please share your thoughts in the comments below or connect with me on Insta, I’d love to hear form you.
